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Calming Children鈥檚 Back-to-School Anxieties

MIND Institute Experts Tell What to Look For, How to Help

A certain level of back-to-school anxiety is normal. But there is nothing normal about this coming school year, so expect entirely new stress levels among kids, both good and bad, two 嘿嘿视频 behavioral experts said Thursday (July 30) on 嘿嘿视频 LIVE: COVID-19.

鈥淎nxiety comes from the difficulty of operating with uncertainty. There is a lot of uncertainty right now,鈥 said , an assistant clinical professor in the Department of Pediatrics and a clinical psychologist at the . 鈥淏ut anxiety can be difficult to detect with children.鈥

Winder-Patel and , a professor of clinical psychiatry and a faculty member at the MIND Institute, answered questions from viewers about back-to-school anxieties kids are feeling amid the coronavirus pandemic and how to help them be more comfortable.

Some anxiety helps everyone 鈥 children, and adults 鈥 cope with their world, but too much can interfere with daily lives. The difficulty, especially with younger children, is knowing when they鈥檙e feeling too anxious.

What to look for

Sometimes kids get physical symptoms, like stomachaches or headaches. Often, they鈥檒l show it in their behavior, such as avoiding being alone or going to bed

Winder-Patel
Winder-Patel

鈥淭hink about how they might be avoiding things,鈥 Winder-Patel said. 鈥淲e see kids not wanting to have their cameras on for a Zoom meeting because they鈥檙e worrying about, 鈥榃hat will the other kids think of me?鈥欌

For children with autism spectrum disorder, it may be a small regression in development or other subtle changes.

鈥淭hose children often have what we call a 鈥榮pecial interest,鈥 when they are extremely interested in Legos or Pok茅mon or something,鈥 Solomon said. 鈥淪ometimes you can tell kids are extra anxious when they resort to using their special interest more.鈥

Not all kids are anxious

Solomon
Solomon

鈥淪ome kids are extremely anxious about so much right now, like worrying about their parents leaving to go to work and getting sick, or about missing their normal routine, but not all of them,鈥 Solomon said. 鈥淥thers feel safer. They鈥檙e in their homes, in their space, and they don鈥檛 have to venture out to school where they often have a lot of problems.鈥

She said parents can help by being good detectives about their kids, and by talking to them about what they鈥檙e going through.

鈥淧arents tend to know their children really well,鈥 Solomon said. 鈥淭hey can give their children a chance to voice their anxieties about going back to school or about anything to do with COVID-19.鈥

Coping for everyone in the house

鈥淔or a lot of kids, especially young kids, their experience is what adults convey to them,鈥 Winder-Patel said. 鈥淚f you鈥檙e saying we鈥檙e going to do some good things as a family, and we鈥檙e all going to work on being flexible and brave, that鈥檚 very different from kids getting yelled at for not staying 6 feet away or not wearing masks.鈥

They said to emphasize the idea that there are things they can control and focus on this 鈥 such as washing their hands, wearing a mask and keeping a social distance. That will help kids feel less anxious about the things they can鈥檛 control.

And let them know there are things they鈥檙e doing right.

鈥淪ometimes we forget to reward children for things that went well because we鈥檙e just so relieved they went well,鈥 Winder-Patel said. 鈥淩eward them for being flexible today when the mic went out, or for bravery. Tell them, 鈥業 know you didn鈥檛 want to do that video today, but you pushed through and did it anyway.鈥 That can go a long way.鈥

How to avoid projecting your anxiety onto your kids

鈥淪ometime as parents, we feel we have to shield our kids from all the stress,鈥 Winder-Patel said. 鈥淏ut kids need to experience some stress in their lives. It鈥檚 better if we model for them how we cope. Say, 鈥業鈥檇 like to go for a walk, would you like to come with me?鈥欌

And go easy on yourself. For instance, Solomon said, don鈥檛 expect to be the best home teacher on Earth if you鈥檙e not trained for it, and don鈥檛 expect to keep a perfect household. Just be open about what your kids 鈥 and you 鈥 are feeling.

鈥淚t鈥檚 very important parents keep up their own self-care,鈥 she said. 鈥淭ake those walks, have a quiet dinner with your partner. Do the things that bring you joy.鈥

Techniques to relieve anxiety about online school

鈥淚t goes a long way when parents work to help children know what to expect,鈥 Solomon said.

Try these techniques to tamp down anxiety and to help them feel comfortable in their online classes:

  • Don鈥檛 assume kids are ready for this. Ask if they have questions or uncertainties.
  • Create a visual schedule of what their day will look like. Knowing what鈥檚 ahead is comforting.
  • Use a technique called 鈥渟ocial stories鈥 and talk kids through some coming event that may be making them anxious. It鈥檚 a simple script about how something will unfold.

鈥淲alk them through it,鈥 Winder-Patel said. 鈥淪ay, 鈥榃hen we get ready to go online in the morning, first we turn on our computer, then we check out the microphone and camera.鈥 When they鈥檙e anxious, they can go to the script and feel a little calmer.鈥

  • Do a trial run on Zoom or whatever they are using for their school meetings.
  • Tell them, if the anxiety gets too much either before they start or during the day, they have to be like private investigators and ask what is causing it. Then you can talk them through it.
  • If possible, have a space devoted only to distance learning. That will be their classroom. When they have lunch, then they go to a relaxing place.
  • Be sure they have physical activities to burn off energy sprinkled throughout the day and interrupting classroom time. Put that in the schedule you show them.

鈥淜eep remembering that a lot of their anxiety comes from not knowing what they鈥檙e supposed to do,鈥 Winder-Patel said.

Help them stay connected to their friends

鈥淚t鈥檚 challenging for them to go months without seeing peers,鈥 Winder-Patel said. 鈥淭here are no easy solutions.鈥

They suggested a handful of ways to help kids keep some connections:

  • Scheduling regular virtual play dates.
  • Try creating a regular online lunch bunch for a handful of friends.
  • Making projects kids can send each other in the mail. 鈥淚t鈥檚 old-fashioned, but it鈥檚 fun,鈥 Winder-Patel said.
  • Help them do something together on Zoom, like build the same Lego set.
  • Create games they can play together but separately, such as hiding painted rocks for the other to find.

鈥淚t is important to help them understand that even though we don鈥檛 see a friend every day, it doesn鈥檛 mean the friend went away,鈥 Winder-Patel said.

What about tweens, teens, young adults at home?

鈥淎 lot of the principles are the same,鈥 Solomon said. 鈥淛ust developmentally, move them up a tier.鈥

For them, interaction with friends may be even more important, and they are likely to spend a lot of time alone on whatever devices they have.

鈥淚t鈥檚 a good practice in any family to not allow anyone to spend too much time on screens,鈥 she said. 鈥淏ut for now, cut yourself some slack. You can鈥檛 control everything.鈥

As much as they want to connect with their friends, there is still a lot of value in keeping tween, teens and young adults active with their family, too.

鈥淚t鈥檚 important that you鈥檙e doing family activities that are age appropriate and aren鈥檛 too 鈥榥ot cool,鈥欌 Solomon said. 鈥淲hich can be quite a challenge.鈥

Don鈥檛 hesitate to turn to professional help

鈥淭elepsychiatry has become a very accepted and useful practice,鈥 Solomon said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 relatively simple to get more serious help from your provider now. At 嘿嘿视频 Health, we鈥檙e really a leader in telehealth. We don鈥檛 have a lot of great studies on telehealth, but from what we鈥檙e observing clinically, it is very effective.鈥

WORKLIFE RESOURCES

maintains two resource pages for child care:

  • The includes information on child care on campus, child care in the community, after-school care, and Yolo County information and referral.
  • The includes information on child care in the community and within your home.

Each page also includes a link or links to the following Bright Horizons programs:

  • Bright Horizons Additional Family Supports 鈥 There鈥檚 no charge to UC employees for Bright Horizons鈥 assistance in finding sitters, nannies and housekeepers, elder care resources and pet care; and receiving preferred enrollment in Bright Horizons child care centers. Available to Davis and Sacramento campus employees.
  • Bright Horizons Back-Up Care 鈥 For 嘿嘿视频 Health employees only, allowing them to reserve high-quality child care in a center, or in-home care for children, adults or elder relatives. Bright Horizons charges a small co-pay and employees receive up to 15 uses per year, whether care is in a center or in-home.

How to manage work with children at home, plus homeschooling tools and school-age care options for fall.

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Media Resources

Rick Kushman, rjkushman@ucdavis.edu

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