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The elderly in successful marriages have learned how to avoid contempt, anger and whining about their spouse, says ºÙºÙÊÓƵ psychologist Phillip Shaver, who studies love and relationships. "In long-term marriages, people have much fewer strong negative emotions," he says. "They sidestep certain issues because they have agreed to disagree and still be affectionate." When an elderly person loses a long-term partner, the relationship isn't necessarily over, Shaver adds. "They reorganize the relationship in their mind to continue communicating with someone who isn't there," he says. Shaver is co-editor of the "Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research and Clinical Application."